Sunday, September 6, 2015

I used to be Tough

I used to be Tough

"Yo I was scared of you, I would see you in the hallways and I swore that if I said the wrong thing to you I would get slapped"
-Rebeca Moore

Son! What has happened to the Bull!? Lol

What's going on ya? That quote is from a girl I was good friends with in High School and college. It was in reference to my demeanor. She's since seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth though. So if you see her or know where she may be tell her Eno said hello.

So the other day Buddy tagged me in this post.

The caption was something along the lines of "When you used to be tough but now you're a father" I laughed harder than.... I don't know what! I laughed because of the accuracy b! Lmao.

Check this out right: the quote you just read is only one of the many that I've heard in my day. I was always told I looked like I was going to slap someone, or was always told I need to smile and "Fix my Face" but what people failed to realize is that I was walking around with this screw face on purpose. I called it my "Outdoor Face" and I feel it protected me from a lot. Niggas handing out mixtapes, missionaries trying to get me to donate to some organization, people asking me for the time. You know, the bullshit!

However I think I might of lost some of that edge ever since Zairah was born. These days I'm smiling more, making silly ass baby voices and laughing at small shit. I think having a daughter has made me more inviting to people and I hate it. Lol

Case in point the other day at work, 3 completely different strangers felt comfortable enough with me to share life stories with me. I couldn't figure it out til I really stopped and thought about it. "Nigga you smiling at em, why wouldn't they stop and tell you about the last time they had to wait for the elevator!?" I was disgusted with myself. Lmao. Don't get me wrong I actually am a happy person and I always have been. Life is good! However I've made it this far because of my "Outdoor Face" it's kept strangers a little passed arms length and has served as a barrier between me and whatever sucker who felt he might want to test me. And it always worked. In fact I have a co-worker and good friend Bennie. Any time Bennie would see me in the hallway or coming back to the floor at work he would ask me "you ok man?" And I would reply "yeah why? What happened?" And he would proceed to tell me that I looked angry or like I wanted to kill someone. He hasn't asked me if I'm ok in reference to a mean look on my face in months. Lol

Nah G! I gotta get my ice grill back to what it was. I must be listening to too much Justin Timberlake and not enough Wu-Tang! But I'm about to bring back the mother fuckin ruckus! Tiger style! Lol

So what is it? I mean like I said Life is Good b. Maybe at some point I told myself out loud and just started smiling and laughing and making people think I'm some sweet ass Santa Clause type nigga. Maybe it's my job, you know how it is at work, they always want you smiling and making others comfortable. And to that I say "Fuck outta here, Fam!" Lol. Or maybe having a beautiful daughter has just softened me up! But how the hell am I supposed to put the fear of God in little boys with a smile on my face?

So last night Buddy asked if I had a black bandana or if I still had my prop gun. I looked at him with shame in my eyes. "Nah man, I ain't got none of that shit no more. I'm a father now b. I got rattles and a rubber ducky if you need it, but I need em back before bath time tomorrow. I'm a father now g!" We both laughed so hard! Damn son, I'm a father now. I used to be tough........

Lol! So I hereby vow to get back my "Outdoor Face" everyone from hoes to doctors will feel like they'll catch 5 hot fingers to the face if they even lock eyes with me. I'm gonna be tougher than Ving Rhames in those ADT commercials. Put a lil more bass in my voice and walk just a little bit stronger! No more jolly fat boy with the pillsbury dough boy laugh! Straight Thug Life nigga! Lol. Only those who know me personally will see the me for the gentle giant that I truly am.

So if you see me in the street, go the other way you heard. I ain't as friendly as you think! Lol


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

You Lost One

Bull Penners what's been up since we've last spoken!? I know it's been a while and I have no words other than sorry. Life has been happening around me and I've had very little time to document anything aside from Instagram lol.

But I digress. If you've been on Facebook lately than you've seen the new feature where it gives you your post this day in the past. Personally, I love the feature. It shows you how much you've grown and how you thought in the past as apposed to now. The feature also gives you old pictures that you posted., and that is where this blog post begins. Lol
Today a picture of an old friend of my brothers came up on the feed. He's an old friend for reason I feel I have no right to discuss (I don't share or spread other people's personal affairs) but it did remind me of the times when he was around. Needless to say he became my friend as well. Due to loyalty to my brother however we are no longer in contact.That reminded me however, of "friends" that I've lost in my life. And by lost I don't mean friends who have died but..... I'll explain.
I remember a time when my mom told me something along the lines of "You're real funny with your friends" and she didn't mean it like Ha-Ha, comedian funny. She wasn't lying but let me tell my side of things.

Naturally we outgrow our friends, don't we. The earliest friend (that wasn't blood related) that I could remember was Cory. Now, as I'm writing this I realize that Cory was the exact opposite of me. Lol. He was tall. slim. athletic, got excellent grades and was a serious ladies man! And this was all before 6th grade. I honestly can't remember what brought us together as friends but me being a great judge of character (even back then) I knew he was cool. I was right and from 5th grade (when I transferred to St. Joseph School-where he already was) til a bit passed 8th we were as they say 2 peas in a pod. We had the that usual elementary best friend relationship: "Did you see (girls name here) butt in her skirt today!?" "I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow" "Yo, did you see that game!?" "Look what I drew last night" "My mom said you can come over, bring (video game title here) I'm gonna bust ya ass this time" you know the usual.

But by high school we slowly began to drift apart as some friends do. We did what we could to maintain a friendship but you know how it goes. You're in high school and your focus changes from Playstation and Cartoons to Girls and their body parts! Lmao. Although to be honest I can remember being a little girl-crazy pervert at the age of 7 (first grade) and being completely infatuated with them by the time I was 11. Guess there's no wonder why I had a daughter. Dear God, please take it easy on me! Lol
But any attempt to maintain a friendship with my homie was mostly catching up and comparing stories of High School life. Somewhere along the lines tho the communication slowed down and before you knew it we just didn't speak anymore.

But Truthfully if Cory were to resurface and find his way to my doorstep today I would still welcome him with open arms and attempt to catch up!
And then there was another friend (who shall remain nameless-because no sucker I no longer rock with will earn any shine off me. Lol)

The other "friend" was one I met through Cory. Similar interests is what brought us all together. The other friend was the leach type. Would show up to my house before me, would invite himself to everything and naturally we just got cool. He was in my class so I already knew him we just weren't friends til Cory brought him around.

So I would say around the same time me and Cory were communicating a little less the other friend was beginning his Anti-Eno slander campaign with everyone from my neighbor (a girl we all hung out with who lived downstairs from me) to even Cory. Behind my back this guy started talking shit about me and I swear I NEVER did anything for him to feel any kind of negative way towards me. Believe me, if I did I would admit to it.I confronted him about the situation and of course he denied it. However I confirmed with a few other people and sure enough when I confronted him about it again it resulted in coming dangerously close to a fist fight that my mom had to break up (Lucky him) lol.

It took some time for me to realize that he was never a friend. Hence the quotation marks. But it comes back to my moms words. Me being funny with friends.But it's not so much that I'm funny it's more so that since a young age I've been able to live my life without depending on friendship from anyone. I mean think about it: I come from a family of damn near 120 people maybe even more. I have 5 handfuls of cousins make and female, my age, older and younger. I'm blessed. I don't need friends. And I know that may sound cruel but it's the Gods honest truth. I am grateful for every single friend I have and to those friends I say to you: if I consider you a friend I damn near consider you family. Wether I contact you every day or just see you on the next hangout, if you are a friend you are appreciated.
It's like they say though: we outgrow our friends, the people in your life are seasons and we all know that the seasons change.

I guess the point of what I'm saying is: yes, perhaps I am funny with friends. Or maybe the reality of it is I treat people how they treat me. And I've never commenced to maintaining any relationship with anyone that I've ever felt crossed me or disrespected me.

With all that said: later friends lol.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Selfish Part 2

When do you decide to be more selfish? When do you think to yourself fuck him/her, fuck that I'm going for mine.
I ask because there's something I want that (actually doesn't belong to anyone but) technically belongs to someone else.

I personally feel that I am a better fit for said something however I haven't got the slightest idea as to how to go about making it mine. I don't want to steal it, but maybe I do.

Which again raises the question, when do I decide to be more selfish!?

Selfish Part 1

I remember a conversation I had in which I was told that the word 'selfish' was widely misunderstood.

Yes, it can have a negative meaning, however upon further review it simply means to put ones self first or before others.
I myself am slowly learning to be more selfish, to put myself and my concerns before those of others. The reality of it is: if we aren't concerned for ourselves no one else will be. And if we don't do for ourselves we can't do for others.

Does that make sense?

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Where Do I Stand?

What's going on Bull Penners!?
I know it's been so long since I posted anything. It's almost safe to say that I don't post anymore. Truth of the matter is my adult life has left me with very little time to document unless it's my babies blog or InstaGram. Lol

But I'm here and I've had things in mind worth writing about.

More recently it's been the subject or the question rather of being happy. Are you wondering what I mean? Well I'll tell you: I was 18 years old when I first asked myself "What is my purpose in life? Why am I here?" (in fact I might have even written about it) and while I doubt I've yet to find the answer to that question, I do feel I've gotten closer to a meaning/answer.
I truly believe there is no point in asking the question but rather simply live and find happiness or die trying.

I like to think that I am a happy person and I don't believe in stress or whatever else. Granted we all encounter stress and we all have moments when we can't take the pressures of life, but even with all that I try to smile through the bullshit.

These passed couple of weeks however I've been wondering if I've been putting my own happiness above anyone else's? Am I living a life where I'm happy? On first thought the answer is yes. I have my daughter who I love more than life it's self, a girlfriend who loves me like cooked food and the air in my lungs. What more could I ask for?

But I remain inquisitive. I believe that in making others happy (which I try to do often) you can easily lose yourself and become..... Not so happy.

Example: there's something out there that I want, and I've been reluctant to reach out and go all the way in my pursuit for fear of stepping on someone else's toes so to speak. Should it be that way? If I feel that acquiring this thing will make me happy, should I a give a flyin' ish about anyone else's toes? Should I be more selfish? Lol. A lot of questions I know. And I don't expect anyone to answer them for me. But I am starting to think that worrying about said toes are a form of making someone else happy while feeling like I myself could be happier.

I've reached the part of my writing I always reach. That point where it's just a little unclear where the point is going. So I bring it back with another question: do I let go of this desire, or do I say "fuck it, I'm going for mine!"? I want to tell you I'm going for mine hopefully next time we meet I can tell you I did.....


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Daddy to Be...

What's going on Bull Penners!?

First and foremost, please accept my apology for the lack of posts in the past couple of months! Honestly I have not been motivated enough to blog much. Partially because I have been trying to actually live my life away from a screen and keyboard and partially because I've been dealing with anything worth writing about on my own rather than venting through my blog. Did that make sense?

However, I'm pretty sure inspiration will come back in full force in a few months seeing as how your boy is now a father to be!

Yes, you heard and read that right. Antoinette and I are now expecting parents of a little baby girl.

I've been going back and forth trying to decide wether I was going to continue to use this same blog to document this new chapter of my life or wether I was going to start a whole new one... After a small poll on Facebook and my own thoughts I decided that I will start a whole new blog. Don't worry, this does not however, mean that this one will be thrown in the trash! So many of you have been here with me since day one and I wouldn't just leave you hanging like that! I will still use this blog to vent when I need to or to discuss current events in that pattented Eno Bull tone. The new blog which you might even consider a sub blog is simply a separate page dedicated solely to my daughter. In fact it will even be written in letter form addressed only to her. This of course does not mean you can't read it, in fact I'm posting this particular post to share the link with you.

So this is not a goodbye to the BullPen, it will always be here for you guys, just wanted to share that it will be expanding by way of Blog for my baby! Like my boy Will said: From BullPen to PlayPen! Lmao.

With that said, Tha BullPen presents to you: Forever For Zairah

Hope ya follow my new chapter in life, fatherhood.


P.S. If you do not want to bookmark the blog but you want to follow it, the link will always be on the menu bar to the <<<< left right under my posts archives.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Meet Pam Grier aka Charlene

Yaoooooow! So if you know me then you know I've been a guy who loves cars since day 1!

As a kid I always wanted to be in the drivers seat, so much that I remember a time that my father was doing something with his car, cleaning it or working under the hood or something. I found myself in the drivers seat while he wasn't looking and I put the car in drive while it was on a downward hill lol!

Looking back you'd think it would have traumatized me, considering I never heard my dad scream my name with such fear and concern as he ran alongside the car before he could cleanly jump in it to stop it before it reached the intersection. But nope, it only fueled my love for being in the drivers seat.
Fast forward to when I turned 13, that was the first time my dad officially let me drive. I remember he let me park the car in front of the building we lived in. It was no biggie, but I knocked it out on my first shot and I felt like a big deal. Lol.

I say all that to say, I should have had a my first car such a long time ago considering how much I've always loved em. Countless magazines and websites and car shows on tv have consumed so much of my time that it's a wonder I never drove my own car home. But an addiction to sneakers and lack of $50k for your dream car will do that! Lol

Regardless of the facts, I always told myself that if my first car wasn't going to be a 1964 Chevy Impala, it was going to have to be a BMW! Preferably an 80's era one, but almost anything with a roundel (BMW emblem) would suffice.

So about a year and a half ago, a friend of mine (who has chosen to remain nameless) bought this beauty that you see here... I damn near Jizzed my pants when I saw it. He told me back then, "I Know I'm gonna sell it eventually so just have you're money ready when I call you." The car has been in the back of my mind ever since.
My ultimate dream car has been a lowrider since High School, but realistically speaking I'm in no position to throw all that money into a 50 year old car just because. And above that BMW has always been my favorite make. I can remember being 9 or 10 years old and telling my brother he was a fool for liking Mercedes! BMW was and still is where it's at! No disrespect to anyone in a Benz, cause lord knows they mean. So I was always a Bimmer guy and like I said I knew my first car had to be the german classic.

So about a week and a half ago my friend hit me up and told me he was finally selling the car! My excitement could not be masked. I was so happy to hear he was parting with it that I damn near wired him the money lol.
It has it's fair share of problems but it's all minor things. Plus I plan on making it my project car anyway. I have big dreams for my first car, it's all about stance.

So when my friend told me what he/she was selling it for I was left with no choice but to head out to meet him/her and take it for a test drive.... Truthfully I just wanted to drive it, because I knew that I would buy it regardless of almost anything.
After a test drive with my pops I knew this car would be coming home with me that same week. Sure enough, on June, Friday the 13th, I met with him/her handed over the cash and was handed back a title and a BMW key.

I drove it home that day in the rain with a grin on my face that you couldn't wipe off with bleach!
I went to my cousins house to show it to him and tell him how excited I was that I finally owned a car. That was after I went to fill up for the first time and before I went to the McDonald's drive thru to get my girl something to eat.
The next day I drove it to IHOP and then gave it it's first car was while in my possession! You know all the things a man does with his first car within the first couple of hours of owning it. Needless to say I was geeked!

Based on her charcoal color I named her Charlene, and based on the fact that she is 14 years old and still sexy as hell I named her Pam Grier! Lol. Old and attractive. I can't wait to start hokking her up although it has to wait for reasons that will be explained in the next post! lol

As for now she's just gonna be fun to ride in. Believe it or not, you could be certain pairs of sneakers at Flight Club for more than I bought this car. Can you guess how much I paid? I bet you can't Lol.

So yeah, Eno's finally got a car! And not just any car, a 2000 BMW 528i!

So that's my baby.... A 528i e39 with a M5 front lip. In all her glory! When you see me in the street yell "What up Tho!: Loll

Hope you enjoyed meeting Pam Grier!

Stay Up and Stay Tuned!